Imagine living during the Great Depression, except instead of running low on money, everyone is running low on time, energy, and emotional connection. If recovery feels lonely, that feeling may not come entirely from the work you’re doing on yourself.
According to the American Survey Center, we’re all living in a time where close friendships are increasingly harder to find and maintain, especially for men. Some have even gone far enough to call it a friendship recession.
That’s just one of many reasons recovery communities in Des Moines and Bayard mean so much: they give you places to stay connected, supported, and engaged, and learning how to push back against the friendship recession may help strengthen your recovery and protect you from relapse.
Why the Friendship Recession Reaches Far Beyond Iowa
If you’ve ever looked around and wondered whether everyone secretly signed a contract agreeing to stop calling their friends, you’re not imagining things. Harvard University reports a nationwide decline in close friendships, with more adults reporting no close friends at all and fewer reporting large circles of trusted companions. Overall, the report seems to say that we’re spending less time with friends than in previous decades.
So it’s not just you or the fact that you’re in recovery. Several trends appear to contribute to this shift:
- Work takes up more space in daily life. Many of us work long hours, and our jobs are often a major part of our identity. When your schedule revolves around deadlines, shifts, or side gigs, friendship can get put on the back burner. For someone in recovery, that deprioritization of friendship can mean having fewer people to call when stress starts to build.
- Home life often crowds out adult friendships. Many adults spend more time at home than previous generations. You might spend hours caretaking or managing the home, going months without sitting down with a friend for coffee, or going for a walk with your pal. But recovery often works better when your support system extends beyond your household.
- Community involvement has declined. Fewer people participate in neighborhood groups, sports leagues, volunteer activities, and other community spaces. These settings once gave adults natural opportunities to meet people and build friendships over shared experiences. Without those opportunities, making friends may require a lot more effort.
- Screens increasingly replace face-to-face time. Many people now maintain online friendships, and a significant number report having only online friendships. Technology can foster connection, but texting a friend and talking with them face-to-face are two different interactions. In-person friendship often creates stronger bonds, which may explain why many adults who regularly spend time face-to-face with others tend to report better well-being.
- Isolation can become a habit. The longer people stay disconnected and lonely, the harder it may feel to reach out. That’s because having little to no social contact could make ordinary social situations seem more intimidating. Over time, staying home could start to feel easier than risking discomfort, even when connection would probably help.
How Recovery Teaches the Same Skills That Build Strong Friendships
Recovery can help you develop the habits, confidence, and communal mindset that meaningful friendships often require.
- You learn to tolerate discomfort instead of running from it. Recovery often involves facing difficult emotions without trying to escape them. Maybe you attend a meeting where you don’t know anyone, introduce yourself first, and show up again even when you feel nervous. The same skill set helps when friendships feel awkward, uncertain, or nonexistent.
- You practice making important things a priority. Recovery usually asks you to create time for therapy, self-care, healthy routines, and support. Friendships work similarly and rarely appear or maintain themselves by accident. You’ll often have to send the first text, make the first call, drag yourself to the event, and keep showing up consistently.
- You gain access to people who understand your journey. St. Gregory’s Alumni Program connects people through meetings, events, online communities, and ongoing support opportunities. Those shared experiences can make conversations easier. Instead of explaining every part of your story, you can talk with people who already understand many of the challenges of recovery at social activities, educational events, and community gatherings.
Find Your Own Friendship Boom Through Recovery
The friendship recession describes a broader decline in close relationships across the country, but recovery teaches many of the same skills that help people rebuild those connections and protect their substance-free lives. When you practice those skills, you may experience a friendship boom—where, suddenly, you meet someone who answers your calls, remembers your story after a local non-12-step meeting, and genuinely wants to see you succeed.
If you’d like additional support, contact our care teams in Des Moines and Bayard to continue building a stronger recovery community around you.
