If you have not experienced the disease of addiction, you may feel unsure of how to talk about it. For example, what do you call someone who struggles with addiction? Our culture tends to use words like “addict,” “alcoholic,” and “junkie”–labels that exacerbate stigma and compound the harm.
Substance dependency is a complicated and difficult situation to navigate. How can we talk about addiction in compassionate and holistic ways that promote healing?
What Not to Say
- Avoid calling someone an addict or an alcoholic. These words alienate people and perpetuate feelings of shame, failure, and isolation, making sobriety harder to achieve. Labels ignore the complicated situation that led to the addiction and make people feel like they are nothing more than a problem no one wants to deal with.
- Avoid telling a person in recovery that they embarrass, shame, or disappoint you. When you do this, you are avoiding responsibility for your own emotions. Yes, the other person’s behavior may trigger an emotional reaction, but the emotions you feel are created and sustained by you, not them.
- Avoid telling the individual to control themselves. This is like telling someone they should have more willpower: a counterproductive and mostly useless demand. Addiction is a disease that requires professional support to manage.
- Avoid telling a loved one or friend that they have an “addictive personality.” “Addictive personality” is not a real diagnosis, and it makes people feel like they have a character flaw that dooms them to a life of addiction.
- Avoid communicating that the person is ‘on their own’ in their recovery. As frustrating as supporting a person with an addiction can be, more and more professionals recommend that families and friends take an active role in the recovery process. “Tough love” practices like banishing the person from the home or refusing to speak to them don’t help. You can set reasonable boundaries while also showing love and support.
What to Say
If you’re worried about what to say to a loved one, let compassion be your guide. Here are some ideas to get you started:
- “I see that you are suffering and that your addiction may be a result of that.” This acknowledges the complexity of the person’s situation.
- “You have a right to express your pain, and you can do that in recovery.” This affirms that the person is a human being who hurts like us. It also promotes the idea of recovery as a healing space.
- “I’m here to give you healthy support with [ insert hug, kind words, physical presence].” This is a way to offer support without enabling the substance use.
Just as you’re compassionate with your loved one, be compassionate with yourself. Start to notice and correct the negative ways you talk to yourself. You can actively practice the following as well:
- Participation in a support group, like Al-Anon. With peer support, you can practice better behaviors and engage in healing conversations.
- Anti-isolating behaviors. Get out and get active. Alienating yourself produces anxiety and other negative emotions.
- Positivity. Every day is a new opportunity to do and say the right thing.
If you or a loved one are struggling with a substance use disorder, St. Gregory Recovery Center is here to help. Give us a call to learn more about our faith-based recovery program that includes support for families and loved ones.
